It is with great sorrow, that I, Mr. Sox, have been forced to hack into my dearest Sand's blogger account. I must tell you a tale of great truth, hopefully before she can tell you hers...er, I mean, before she can spout off any fables of what 'really happened'...
I feel that it is my responsiblity, dare I say my burden to be the loyal protector of my lady. You see, I take great pains to protect her from the dangerous things that wander this earth, and whilest I spend many a day in training in the far fields (I have some of the most well developed jaw muscles this side of the fence), I remain forever aware of those that might threaten her safety.
Yesterday, concerned for her safety, I loaded myself and my squire 'Chico' into our speed transport vehicle, and we chased diligently after my lady (and the "Great Giver of Feedstuffs", who was accompanying her on her futile and foolish mission).
We arrived at the forest some time later, and I quickly donned my leather armor (I felt no need to wear the heavier metal kind, as my prowress and aptitude is far beyond any creature I've had to combat thus far), and ensured my trusty squire was equally outfitted (though I placed the horned saddle on him, for I knew he could use the extra protection).
I, concerned for my lady's well-being (and needing the "Giver of Food" to return with us to ensure I didn't have to start cutting my own food...which is below a horse of my status), lifted her onto my back and set off for home. Likewise, I instructed Chico to do the same.
We traversed many miles, up and down hills, through deep boggy sand and by steep, treacherous ledges. The ladies, they clung to us in fear, chattering on as woman tend to do when scared out of their wits.
This continued on for some time, until, my greatest fears came true...
...we were attacked.
Yes, it's true. I still am comforted by my own quick reaction to the situation (my squire was not so quick on his feet, no surprise), and despite the subsequent series of events, know that it was my speed and deft movements that saved my Sand.
You see, as we rounded a corner, my lady was twisted in the saddle, pointing fearfully out into the bush as warning "The Giver" of the dangers she knew existed in those wilds (and no, don't believe her lies of she claims she was talking about the beauty of it all. She lies. She tells people she spoils me, yet she only gives me 6 peppermint treats/visit. Unbelievable.).
So as she was pointing to the dangers, I realized that a GIANT (I mean, this thing was bigger then a house! It was bigger then...two houses! No, THREE houses!) ROCK MONSTER had LEAPT out of the bushes at us!
I did the only thing a hero could do.
I SPRUNG dexterously to the side, narrowly avoiding its first attack. But, it managed to GRAB Sand, and pull her from my grasp despite my best efforts. Determined to save her, I stood fast, with my four feet planted firmly on the ground, putting myself between her and the GIANT ROCK MONSTER. It may have plucked her from me, but I would NOT allow it to get her while she lay on the ground!
Standing there, my strong brown chest heaving, nostrils flared and muscles rippling, the monster deflated in fear and ran off back into the bushes, realizing it did not stand a chance in battle against a horse as fearsome as myself.
And thus, I saved Sand from the horrible creature, protecting her as a loyal knight-in-shining-armor should. I stood prepared for future attacks while she climbed back aboard my strong, steady back. For good measure, I then threw in a couple of good solid bucks and spins to ward off any future attempts at attack.
And THAT my friends, is EXACTLY how I saved my lady from a horrible untimely death. It is difficult being a hero as I am, but I remain humble and modest despite it.
Roses and medals can be forwarded to Sand's house, as I have enough in my paddock already.