The Best Gifts.

The best gifts, are not gifts at all. The best gifts are not physical, tangible objects. You can't hold them in your hand, you can't wrap them up in pretty ribbons, and you can't take them back to the store and ask for an exchange. It just doesn't work that way.

The best gifts, honest to gawd, are good friendships.

I can tell you, right here, right now, that if you took EVERYTHING from me but my friendships, I'd be doing just fine.

In my roughest, darkest, hardest moments, my friendships pulled me through. My friendships with humans, with dogs, with horses. Friendships. It wasn't the money, it wasn't the fancy car, it wasn't the ability to dine in expensive restaurants.

I got an email from a friend today, and I knocked me to the floor. Hard. I sat there stunned, looking at my computer, and proceeded to YELL at it. Yes, at the screen. Why? Because that's what you do with friends. The best advice you can offer them, is always so clear, that you can't help but scream it from the hilltops. Why? Because you *know* them. And only have their best in mind.

It's been a crazy week for me. I actually sat here today and for some crazy reason, missed H. Yup. I saw her on Monday. But today, I missed talking with her. Why? Dunno. I just did. On Tuesday? I stayed up late in a rather intoxicated state, baring my soul to G. And he didn't bat an eye. Today, another close friend's pony is heading off to some amazing training, and I know she's gonna be a little nervous. Know what? I look forward to supporting and cheering her on through it. I started making plans to visit another friend during her training, because I knew she'd love the support. I almost finished up my house plans, which are the compilation of a lot of friends' input and support.

Friends don't do things because they have to. They do things because they can't fathom not.

My ex used to complain a lot to me that he didn't have any friends. I'd often suggest he join Big Brothers, as he was once a little brother himself. And it had meant a lot to him. But he'd say to me "What am I supposed to do with some kid? What's he gonna do with me?". Then I'd suggest a neighbour or a buddy and he'd say "That guy can't help me. I'd be sitting around telling him stuff and he couldn't do anything for me."

And I'd sigh deeply and try my best to explain to him that he was missing the definition of friendship. Interestingly, sitting here today, I realize that you can't explain friendship to someone. You can't tell someone how to be a good friend. It's a compulsion. It just happens to you, when certain people enter your life.

You lose control of it. You can't help it.

There's this country song that sometimes comes on the radio and makes me think of it.

You find out who your friends are 

Somebody's gonna drop everything 

Run out and crank up their car 

Hit the gas, get there fast

Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far' 

They just show on up with their big old heart 

You find out who your friends are

Regardless, this was a week of true friendship. I'm never going to be perfect. I'm never going to be able to give my friends my everything. I won't be able to move mountains for them, or cure their sadness. But I am, I will *always* do my absolute best to make their dreams come through, in whatever small way I can. Why? Because so many of them have made mine come through, and if they haven't, I know that they wouldn't hesitate for a second if given the opportunity. And they wouldn't hesitate because friends are friends because they can't possibly be anything else.

So that email, I didn't hesitate to tell that friend, I'd do everything in my power. And I meant it. It might be a royal pain for me, but it'll be worth it in the end. It will. Because I know they'll be happy. And that'll make me happy. They've helped me, now I get to help them. This web of wonder we weave with our friends.

I'm so spoiled in my life. I know that.

The Best Medicine

So on my day off yesterday, H and I got together for a ride. The wind was blowing, the temperatures while "warm" (for a Manitoban) were nippy with the windchill and it of course started snowing like the devil when we got together. Of course.

We made it a quick ride, but an awesome ride nether the less. Cleaned the run-in, stuffed some bales, dragged a few fresh ones out to the ponies and then threw halters on our boys to go for a ride.

Moonpie, wondering what the crap I'm up to now. ; )

Each got a quick grooming and then we clambered on. H took her big boy over to a snow pile, while I decided to leap onto Moon from the fence. And just about went over the other side! Yikes, snow pants are slippery.

I also made it one step closer to that "naked pony" dream. That's right folks. I headed out onto the wide open trails with H in only a halter and clip-on reins. : D So freakin' proud of my boy.

So up the road we went, and into the deep ditches and the neighbouring field. Someone had cleared a nice track (I confirmed with H that it was a 1/4 furlong ; ) ), and there was this moment when our horses stepped onto it that we just exchanged a "look". "Canter?" she asked. "CANTER!" I agreed!

The Black, looking stately. 

And off we went, The Black giving a couple of light hearted kicks to remind Moon who was boss, and Moon giving a good sprint to remind The Black who was bred to run ; ) Side by side, those two boys whipped down that snow covered path, H and I saddle-less and truly enjoying what it means to connect with your horse. At the end of the line we pulled up, bounced our way back to a halt and stood there for a moment giggling like children. It's amazing how warm you can get riding into the wind when you're laughing and beaming with pride. Yeah, we just did that.

The way back down the path towards home, Moon jig-jogged along, clearly happy to be out and about. And in just his halter, I felt surprisingly comfortable and capable of controlling him. I beamed at H about how amazing of a horse he's become. She made a comment that I may have learned a thing or two myself. ; ) ...maybe... ; )

Then we found a great big snow pile and I urged Moon to climb it. He was certain I was a nut-case (kinda am), and when he got to the top he sunk to his chest. Whoops! So he heaved himself back out, and I managed by some miracle to stay atop him through the process. Bareback really, truly, does make a huge difference in how you ride. Crazy hard, but crazy worth it.

We headed across the field in the snow, and at one point, my feet were dragging on the top of the snow. I mean, I could literally STAND on the snow on either side of Moon. The snow was up to his BELLY!

H reminds me that it's because my horse is actually a tiny pony. And I'm a small giant. ; )

Snow-Pony

Still, the whole experience and sensation of standing on the ground while riding my horse was hilarious to me. I laughed and laughed and laughed and giggled and H and I rode across that field in a giggle fit. It was the most uplifting, cheering, smile-inducing ride one could ever ask for. Even in the depths of winter.

Eventually we made our way back to the barn, untacked the ponies and gave everyone their supper. The snow was falling thickly, yet somehow I was as warm as could be. Probably because my heart was beating strongly and my cheeks were rosy with laughter.

Yes, I do believe that the shortest of rides can be the best of rides, when you can't stop smiling.

: )

And as H said, while we may not get out riding a ton together this Summer, every ride is guaranteed to be incredible. Let's be honest, every ride *has* been incredible.

Reboot.

We had a rather nasty cold snap last week and I admit, it was enough just getting down to the barn and feeding, never mind even fathoming riding. Somehow when everything is frozen solid, the simple task of cleaning and mucking takes 2 hours. And in the cold, that seems awfully long.

Moon in the middle of last week's cold snap, during a lovely blizzard...brrr....

I will say we're lucky to have a rather pleasant run-in to fill our hay nets in, and somehow even on the coldest days when you get to working, the space feels cozy and comfortable. I understand why the ponies love being in there so much they ripped the door off... ; )

Regardless, Saturday rolled around and H was curled up in bed sick. I found a quick text asking me if I'd be willing to take on feeding duty for the day and since it was *finally* a break in the cold snap, I jumped on the chance.

Out to the barn by late afternoon, spent the two hours feeding the beasts and then I pulled out my halter and clip-on reins to have some fun with Moon.

I hopped on him bareback (boy he's gotten to be a pest again about standing still for vaulting...er, mounting), and we headed towards the large paddock for some circles. I admit it was too cold still (and I too tired) for anything resembling proper dressage work, but large circles at a walk-trot-canter were just what I needed. We needed.

After a couple of *very* bouncy trot circles that were back jarring (I tell ya, it is ROUGH when they've gotta lift those legs high in the deep snow AND you've got a bouncy horse on a good day), I thought "Let's see what this canter can do..."

And off Mr. Moon went into the canter. He really is starting to come along on that canter depart compared to last year.

We completed a full 30 m circle and I thought, hmmm...

You see, I got this crazy goal in my head earlier this winter. I'm the furthest thing from a "natural" horseback rider. I'm not into the natural horseman crazy, tried that before I got Moon and it was just frustration and irritation. I'm not into hanging a single cord around their neck and claiming there's an unbelievable bond created by some "natural" series of events that connected myself and my horse at the soul.

I do however, believe in building solid communication. Like finding a way to communicate with someone of a different language or who can't hear, or our pets, I believe to a large extent animals can learn the basics of our body language and share a communication style with us. And the better we develop and train this language, the better our ability to communicate and in turn, have them perform tasks that we ask (granted, as we learn, you can yell at someone to do something, and that don't mean they're gonna listen if they don't want to...).

So I have this *crazy* dream in my head, for pure ability to say that Moon-pie and I have reached this level of communication (perhaps it's merely my level of insanity...both are possible), to ride him saddle-less and halter-less, around the paddock, doing circles and changing direction, with no guidance than my seat and legs.

Insane.

But certainly an interesting goal guaranteed to get me working VERY hard on developing my communication with my horse. I mean, purest dressage is enhancing your seat and legs to the point where the hands merely support and don't direct. It all comes together in its way.

So there I was on Saturday, bouncing around my circle and kicked Mr. Moon off into a canter. Hmmm...

I dropped my reins.

I threw my arms out wide.

And rode Mr. Moon a full 20 m circle, bareback, in nothing but a halter and a pair of clip-on reins hanging untouched off his neck.

When I settled back and thought "Whoa", Mr. Moon slowed to a trot and a stop almost immediately.

I.was.thrilled.

We did it again, and I pushed for two circles with no reins, arms outstretched.

We managed 1.5 before I had a momentary freakout that he wasn't going to turn the corner and we were headed towards the electric fence. Reality is, he was a good 10 strides away and knew the fence was there...he would have turned. But I felt like he wasn't listening to my communication, so I pulled him up and turned the corner the old fashioned way.

It wasn't perfect. But it was one HUGE step closer in the dead of winter towards riding Moon the way I'm dreaming of. Someday, maybe free of the paddock. For now, we'll just keep pretending we can fly...

Silly Pony-Bums in the Manitoba Winter. 

_______

So come Sunday, the warm weather continued to flourish, but poor H wasn't. : ( I had hoped we'd make it out on a short trail ride, but instead I headed over for solo feeding duty and then hopped aboard Mr. Moon for a replay of Saturday's formidable ride.

Umm...

Not so much.

Sunday was even WARMER than Saturday. It even *felt* warmer, more springlike. I hopped aboard Mr. Moon and we did some insanely bouncy trot work. Then I asked for a canter...

And The Black and The Wizzard came WHIPPING across the paddock to run alongside us, kicking and bucking and squealing the way crazy horses do in the spring.

*sigh*

Moon huffed and tried to join in. He got a firm boot and pulled up to a sedate walk. Then back to trot and canter.

This time?

The Black and The Wizzard decided to stand in the MIDDLE of our 20 m circle path, and Mr. Moon, lower than The Black on the totem pole, came to an abrupt halt the moment he got close.

Hello wither in nether regions. OUCH.

I barked a bit at the other two horses, who took off yet again cantering and bucking and kicking. *sigh*

Mr. Moon? Thought, "Aren't I supposed to do this too??" Um, no.

So we tried again. Nice canter circle, and the two brats go GALLOPING alongside us, and head off to the other paddock to race through the snow. Mr. Moon decides that cantering isn't going to allow us to keep up, and there bareback and in a halter, he takes off into a gallop heading towards the opening in the fence to chase the other two.

PULLED UP HARD.

Yes, you CAN do that in just a halter.

Resist urge to flog horse.

Remind self that sitting and tight pants will be out of the question for awhile and in the future, buy horse with no wither.

Ask horse to canter AGAIN.

Get two really nice canter circles with a resemblance of control.

Head in the other direction, pick up canter, horse fights because nit-wits are charging around the paddock calling and snorting again, remind horse who has the power to A) Feed him B) Flog him, and happily achieve that nice controlled canter circle in completion.

Three walk circles to cool now puffing horse off.

Dismount and give sugar cubes, remembering that sometimes, you gotta scream louder than the boss horse. Hey, at least he looks cute.

Watch all three canter off, bucking and kicking, like complete tools, and take comfort in the fact that this must spell the approach of spring time. I'll take psychotic horses if they come with warm weather, plenty of sunshine and more daylight hours.

Here's hoping.

Relaxing after all of their fun. 

Umm...COLD.

What more can I tell you? It's FREEZING out there. -15 F (-26 C) this afternoon. Which means it was -20 or worse last night. Almost all of this week to be honest. Awful. Cold. Nasty weather.

Monday I climbed up the hay pile, with the sun shining (means it's extra cold, but boy I miss sunshine!), throwing hay down for the ponies. Stuffed four hay nets, scraped the poo out of the run-in and gave everyone their grain.

It took me two hours, because it's really slow lacing nets with big ol'mittens on. I thought that the ponies might be miserable because of how cold it was. In reality??

They didn't seem to care. Moon was running about trying to hoof everyone. Yup. Even in the cold he's a total nimrod.

When I finished, the sun was going down. I was chilled. Guess what? I went home, had a hot shower and crawled into bed. Okay, I *may* have squished a little home design in there somewhere. Yup, exciting pony life for me...

The truth? The unfortunate truth is that Moon is going to be getting a lot more of this nothing if things go the way they seem to. The good news? The good news is that I'm making steady progress towards that country home. So it's all worth a little inattentiveness.

We all know he's not complaining ; )

Depths of Winter is Who We Are.

Last night was my night to feed ponies. H called me up as I was heading home to double check that I'd be out as she had a busy night of errands and wasn't able to sub-in for me. I told her not to worry and after having some supper, headed out to the barn.

...and when I stepped out of my apartment into the night's sky, snow was thickly falling, swirling and blowing across the lot.

Oh yes. A winter snow storm was blowing in. And it was COLD!

The drive to the barn was interesting...people driving crazy slow, cutting into my lane and huge drifts on the edges of the road which meant lots of busting through them.

I rolled into the "barn" 45 minutes later and almost blew right across the riding ring. Which I should add has 5' drifts! Yes, the drifts are higher than the tops of the arena rails! It's incredible! I grew up on a bald piece of prairie and winters were always like this. Huge drifts! Except for me, as I grew, so did the trees my parents had planted until eventually our home was well sheltered and the drifts ceased. I kinda miss them.

In the garage I went, to mix up some pony feed. Then back out into the cold, in blue jeans, winter riding boots, snowmobile jacket, toque and a pair of stolen fleece lined work gloves (thanks H!). Yes, no ski-pants. Just blue-jeans.

I walked the feed tubs all the way to the hay shed, since it was a nice windbreak for the buggers while they ate, and there was a 4' drift where we normally feed by the garage! Yikes.

While the snow covered ponies ate in the gusting wind and snow, I scraped out the run-in shelter of the frozen poo balls. The storm continued to pick up. The temperatures were in the -30's (celcius...approaching -40 F) and the snow and wind whipped like crazy.

Then it was time to find the hay nets...

Yes...white hockey hay nets in a field of snow, at 8 pm, with the wind whipping about, and drifts everywhere. And the buggers drag those nets to the furthest edges of those fields!

By headlamp light, I walked the large field, managing to track down on net at the furthest end. Then I wandered all the edges looking for the other. Of course, H calls and standing in a field, snow blowing, wind whipping through the fur edges of my hood, we chat about where that bloody net could be. And then I manage to track it down half buried in a snow bank. Awesome.

Back into the hay shed, shake the snow out of the hay nets, climb the stack to throw down 4 fresh bales and then stuff them. Tie them shut. Roll two new nets (4 bales) out to the ponies to eat.

And as I'm lacing up the last net, H pulls up in her car. We chat a bit, she gives me a hand moving the last net out of the way, lock up and gather the ponies' feed tubs. Of course, we stop to give everyone a couple of scratches and appreciate the beauty of the snow covering their fuzzy faces.

H snow busts through 4' drifts in her *car*, the snow flying completely over the vehicle and for half a second you feel 'buried' in the snow bank...only to emerge on the other side, cruising towards the garage.

Back inside, we dump the feed bins and head to our cars to go home. Another fun drive, as I bust through all the new drifts that grew on the sides of the highway since my journey out. By the time I reach the city, the snowstorm is no where in sight.

Ah yes. Winter storms.
_______

Why the story?

Because standing there in that field, in the dead of winter, wind and snow swirling, I had an overwhelming feeling that THIS is what it's about for me.

And I realized that I'm at my core, a farm girl. There's riders out there, there's horse owners, there's people who care for their horses at home and do a great job of it.

But then there's us farm girls. We're not out there feeding in the blowing snow just because we have to. We're not stacking 100s of bales because we must. We don't restack those same bales for the 3rd time in the dead of winter because we had to. We don't drive out in the snow storms, we don't brave the blizzards to check on the ponies, we don't give scratches to all the fuzzy faces merely because we love ponies and this is the way we keep them.

For us, there's a passion about being out there knowing these animals depend on you. Suddenly the cold isn't so cold, the wind isn't so strong, the snow isn't quite so deep. Because we're actually, in some perverse depth of our country-girl soul, loving it.

We're the gals who are out there riding our horses when the wind-chill tells you your face will be frozen off before you make it to the end of the driveway, but hell, we're still gonna go to the end of the mile...faces mean nothing if not snuggled into pony fuzz.

Country girls, we bust snow drifts and careen down the sides of gravel covered streets, giggling just a little, not white knuckling the steering wheel and facebooking that we may not make it home tonight.

We're the girls that even though we don't *have to* scrape the poo balls out of the run-in, we do it anyway. Why? Because we'd rather freeze our fingers just a little bit more, then drive home knowing our ponies are still standing in the dirt.

It's not just about doing these things. The winters, the stuffing hay nets, the driving half the city to buy a certain feed product. Cold days and colder nights, storms and soaking wet and working so hard in the dead of winter that the sweat becomes frozen solid in your hair. It's about ENJOYING doing these things! Country girls, farm girls, we have a sense of pride about being out there caring for our animals in these awful conditions, and a huge chunk of us, actually enjoys it.

I can tell you, last night was *the* most satisfying way I could have spent my evening. When H showed up (see, country girls head out even when they don't have to!), I knew we felt the same thing standing there in the field with the ponies in a snow storm. We love doing this. We love it.

It's twisted. It's warped. But we love being caretakers for our creatures. And the more they need us, the happier we are. We're always going to put them ahead of our luxuries. We'll forego being warm, we'll tolerate broken and smashed nails, cracked fingers, sprains and frostbite, if it means they're looked after.

Not everyone can say that, and it's okay. Some of us are meant to be horse owners. Horse lovers. Horse riders. But some of us, would fill our properties with animals of all kinds, and beam with pride as we pull on our scrubbiest winter coat to go look after them all in the harshest of weather. And you won't hear us complain...at least not until we're all done our chores and are back inside by the fire thawing ; ) ...and that's just so you appreciate what we do. ; )

Bless the winter storms, for showing us what we're made of.

Whoops! Here I am!

Sorry folks! Looks like I continue to go MIA, and kinda remember to come back to blogging thanks to my friend S, who harasses me when there's nothing for her to read during the work hour. Government employees ; )

What have I been up to?

Living up the single life in a freezing cold prairie province is what!!

December whipped by, between Christmas and work and travelling for work. I had two weeks of training (epidemiology...google it), and took zero holidays. The weather wasn't bad (H informs me that in fact, the horses HAVE been blanketed this winter...funny what you don't know when they're always naked when you show up...sorry H!), but the daylight sucks. Yes, yes I could ride at night. But I'm a big bad wuss and when it's dark, my body thinks 'sleep?'.

I've been out riding...once since the New Year started!! I DID get my Christmas morning ride on Moon, and we cantered through the deep snow of the paddock. It was bliss. We did a schooling ride over the holidays too, and I'm loving this horse to bits. He's swell. And I don't think a winter of half-hearted riding is going to do him any harm. The boy doesn't even buck me off riding bareback at a canter. I'm not complaining that he's not seriously worked this winter.

This was my first ride of the year...or after it I suppose...

H and I, in our matching riding outfits (darn Greenhawk Christmas sale last year!) went out bareback (but with bridles, unlike the picture) for a hack down the road. We went about 3 miles round trip or so.

Anyway, we hacked out into the cold and the boys were wonderful. I'm loving bareback this winter. My goal is to get to the point where I can ride Moon in just a halter and lead rope by the end of winter. In the paddock. I have no serious death wish. : P

If anyone has seen the new movie Django (recommended!), let me say that the scene where Django mounts the horse from the ground and rides away bareback and bridle/halterless? Like the horse nutter I am, I turned to my man and rather loudly announced in the theatre (which was pretty quiet!) "I can mount my horse like that!". Yup. He thankfully just laughed and spent the remainder of the movie asking me what other tricks done by the movie horses my Moon is capable of. ; ) I want to add, that I went to the movie on the premise that no horses would die. And heads up, a LOT of horses die. : P

Where was I going with this??

Right, I want to ride my horse completely naked (Moon naked, not me. Gross. Horse hair on your bum??!), in the paddock someday. That's this summer's goal. ; )

So H and I went out hacking, did a little trotting and then cantered down the open stretch. It was awesome. While we were out just long enough to freeze (windchill!), we had a blast. I love it out there with her.

I also love our horses together. Granted Moon has a bit of a crush and dependancy on Manwell, these are two horses that can amble down the trail nose-in-tail. And no misbehaviour. It just makes riding a blast.

_____

For Christmas, my sisters and I always buy each other's boyfriends/husbands a gift. My one sister is married, the other has a long time boyfriend. Since my man and I have only been together for 4 months, it didn't really seem right for him to make it into the gift giving. I'm CERTAIN he would've felt a little awkward (my girlfriends all gave him gifts, and I could read it on his face then!).

So instead, the gifts that would have gone to my man, went to my pony and my puppy. What does that mean?!

MoonSox received 10 lbs of fresh carrots for Christmas, and a kilogram (2.2 lbs) of sugar cubes. And about 400 mini elastics for his mane.

And Halo? She got the best gift of all! A bridge and a crawl-under for agility!! Yes, how cool is that?! Add it to her tunnel, and we're 1/2 way to having an agility set-up. Guess how we'll be spending our summer?!
______

So why am I so busy? Well, I can tell you that it had nothing to do with the new man. G worked an insane number of hours during December, having all of 2 days off the entire month - Christmas, and the Thursday before Christmas (which was going to be our Christmas together until I had to be in training). Two days. The first day he had off in January (New Years) he spent with me. Yes, I'm a happily spoiled woman. I got my first kiss under the mistletoe to boot.

If it wasn't G, then what was it?

Well folks...it's crunch time.

Crunch time??

No, it doesn't relate to the 10 lbs of carrots.

It's about building.

This spring, is supposed to be "DREAM HOME BUILD 2013". Which means the plans must be finished by the end of this month, reviewed by an engineer, estimates drawn on EVERYTHING, submitted to the bank for approval and THEN...submitted to the municipality for permits. All before we can start digging a hole in the dirt.

I'm a little freaked out, but I'm giving it my all. Yesterday on my day off, I spent almost the entire day at my computer, taking a small break for a nap (yawn) and an episode of television over dinner. Sunday morning, it was the same thing, except for the ride in the afternoon with H and then dinner and gaming with G late in the evening. Saturday? Spent the morning trying to get internet so I can start researching building at home, and got in a quick snowmobile ride in the afternoon, and my entire evening until 10 pm was spent on the house plans.

Seriously. Exhausting. And hopefully oh-so worth it.

It's insane when you realize what you're willing to take on to achieve a dream. This is my dream. Since I was a little girl. I've been drawing house plans since I was 6. I used to cut people out of the Sears catalogue and make them walk around on the floor plans like they actually lived there in 3D. My dad used to bring home the Real Estate papers and mark out which areas we could "live in". Then my sister and I would buy imaginary land, build imaginary houses on them (sketch it all up in pencils and markers) and when we were a little older (10 and 12) my dad would help us make up imaginary budgets to boot. My imaginary self (some middle-aged brunette Sears model) would buy a little city house cheap, fixer up, get an impressive job, marry a fancy-pants man (a brown-haired man from the Sears Catalogue of course), cut a little golden retriever out of the catalogue to boot, and sell that little city house to move onto some 200 acre lot in the Manitoba wilderness. I'd draw out how many acres were pasture, and hay and grain, and pretend that we build a beautiful mansion there. We'd have some inordinate number of children (cute little model children from the Sears catalogue of course), not because I wanted a ton of kids when I was older, but because I just liked sooo many names and thought it was bad enough that each already had two middle names!

lol. My sister's husband was always "John Ken" And mine? "Ken Johnson"

I think I wandered off onto memory lane there...

My point is that as children, we dream. Often, way too big for our own capacity. I never became the veterinarian that saved EVERY animal she touched. I never met Ken Johnson in a vet clinic and we never married. I don't have an inordinate number of children (thank gawd!) and I have a beautiful white husky instead of that golden retriever. There isn't 200 acres of land. There's 15. And while I drive the car of my dreams from when I was a little girl...it's a giant lemon (side note: car needs new brakes, the starter wire fell off, the battery won't hold a full charge, the licence plate mount fell off, a bunch of plastic pieces in the engine were just balancing there, the block heater cord is broken, the driver's window jams and the command start stopped work. Love that car).

I don't look like the woman in the Sears Catalogue I used to pretend was me. I'll never build that beautiful mansion.

But age, doesn't destroy our dreams. It tempers us to see that the possible, within the reality, is far more wonderful than any dream we could fathom as a child.

I don't want to marry Mr. Fancy-pants and I wouldn't trade my husky for a retriever. I have no use for 200 acres, and would rip my hair out if asked to raise 6 kids (thankfully there isn't even 2 names I like anymore!).

I do, I will, still build my beautiful home in the country. It will sit on 15 acres and won't have the grandest foyer. But it will be the most welcoming front door you ever did see. Each kid won't have their own private bath, and I won't have a multi-floored master bedroom complete with in-suite kitchen. I don't even want to think about cooking when I'm lying in bed. Instead, it will be cozy and warm, and something I'm willing to spend a weekend cleaning, not have to take holidays or hire a maid.

Cozy. Warm. Inviting. Those are words I'd use TODAY to express my dream home. When I was a little girl, I wanted square footage. Size. Lots of bathrooms and a huge recroom and a movie theatre. I wanted a big garage for all my fast cars, and glamor and glory.

Today, I want cozy, warm and inviting. Peaceful. Retreat. A place for family and friends. The way my parents and friends' houses are. Grandeur no longer means the size of your master suite. It means how content the people who pass through your home are when they leave. It's little things now. It's the pantry full of scents and flavours and choices. It's the warm kitchen where many people can gather. The crackling fireplace to relax at night, and the cozy bed to curl up upon when you dream.

Yes, I am busy finding my dreams. And making them happen. Last year, I found an amazing amount of success with Moon. We had a year of coaching and it made us amazing partners. We moved to H's and grew a great friendship even greater. We showed, we won ribbons, we pushed ourselves harder than we ever have before. We bonded.

And that means, that this year, I can focus on the next dream, the next piece of my puzzle, without worrying about how Mr. Moon is doing. We're established. Like the best relationships, I know that what we have will never fade, because we're linked at our soul. And while I sometimes might not be there as much as I want, and sometimes I only show when something has gone wrong, we always pick back up right where we left off. We're tied.

Maybe, if I'm lucky, next year he'll be home with me...

But I'll still blog, I'll still keep you updated. I have a private blog with a ton of updates on building, and if you're interested, I can probably sneak you over there. I'm still here, I'm still writing, and I'm still riding. I'm just doing it differently.

To wherever 2013 takes us...

Where We've Been...

And so, it seems to be time to look back on 2012 and reflect on the adventure that is our horse life.

This was, without a doubt, the most turbulent, successful, interesting year since I've owned Mr. Moon. And I can only hope that next year is as interesting, though hopefully a little less...turbulent.

Me and Mr. Moon. Last January we bought our first horse trailer, which was supposed to get us mobile and travelling the world. We packed up from Coach W's barn in the spring and survived a nerve wracking move to H's where Moon is now happily in love and enjoying the wide open space. We dealt with a bout of unknown lameness that went away, modified our saddle fit with a thin line pad, added Lysine to his diet, swapped over to a new feed supplement and watched him get glossy on pasture grass.

We made it to a solid year of lessons with Coach W. We headed to our first dressage show, got 1st, 2nd and 3rd place ribbons. We headed to our second show, and had our first go at jumping. We suffered a lovely leg injury, found ourselves out of commission and spent a little while just getting tubby.

The horse trailer got completely finished, and other than losing a hub cap on the drive over, looked phenomenal. Better than I ever thought. We were ready to roll out.

Except first my car's transmission went and then even better, my relationship with my boyfriend of almost 9 years ended. Suddenly it was all about moving, packing and carrying on. So Mr. Moon enjoyed getting fatter in the pasture, the trailer sat, and all we managed was to get some fun jumping in under saddle.

We spent the fall trail riding with close friends, and realized that is where our heart was. We headed to a second jump show of verticals with those friends, and learned a lot about where we want to go.