Okay, I'm being dramatic.
But I'm also a bit of a loser.
Because I went so far as to Facebook-search my competition.
The nice thing is, everyone posts YouTube videos these days. Which means I can dig them up and watch them ride.
The Super-Horse and his Rider:
A young horse in training, same rider who apparently converted Super-Horse from Western to Dressage...
My Walk-Trot Competition (rider, not horse)....
There's more, but they don't really lead to anything. Nothing more then me envisioning Saturday's class. You know. Me, mounting up on Moon post-costume disaster, tiny pieces of yellow cardboard stuck in his fray braid, face overly greasy in a failed attempt to make him "shine" for our 1-man Best Groomed competition, and at this point, large sweat stains and dust clinging to our show clothes in the hot late spring sunshine.
We enter the ring, salute and the music starts.
Moon's like "WTH?!" as I embrace my 5-year old self and kick him into a trot.
I yank his face through 3.5 minutes of "freestyle", assuring myself it doesn't look as bad as I imagine. The judges are making comments that they can judge his age from over here, since his mouth is wide open, and someone in the audience whispers "she needs a flash".
Our timing is all off, the bass line drops away as I'm still kicking him at the trot. Our corners are more like squiggles, and the music ends while I'm still trying to get him to turn his bloody face to the inside.
People have started to vacate to go have some supper. I mean, this is a joke, right?
And then it happens...
Moon begins to piaffe and passage around the ring, leaps over the little white fence and does flying lead changes across the polo field towards home, me perfectly poised above him, my movement in perfect harmony to his.
The judge calls us DQ'd and I claim it's "Dressage Queen" for the day.
I mean, this could happen, right??
Kinda like the way two days before a show, after making the ULTIMATE costume, you discover you need to be riding. : P Or that "Leadline", means SOMEONE needs to be riding.
Yes, my perfect costume needs me riding with it.
Right. Since my horse has a sore where his saddle goes, so putting it back on and then making him prance around like a giant car with me on top of him isn't going to be a big deal.
Hello Buck-City. No, wait. That's the 5-buck bareback ride ; )
Okay, okay. I know it won't be that bad. It's not really a big deal. You see, what I'm REALLY and TRULY upset about is the fact that my race car isn't a two seater.
I mean, what kinda race car seats two people? (Okay, hush you rally car people. No one needs to be giving directions to the horse...oh, wait...).
It's an F1 racer. I'm gonna be sitting over the TIRE! Ridiculous. Children will laugh. This ain't no CARS movie. The vehicle does NOT have eyeballs. And it does not have a saddle and rider perched atop it.
Unless...maybe I carry a wrench and an air ratchet...
Time to make a giant cardboard spare tire...
No matter how it goes, it shall be better then my worst case scenario. Well, barring him running away with me in public, me falling off and landing face first in a pile of fresh horse manure and the whole thing being caught on video by the owner of Super-Horse....
But really, what's the chances of manure being so perfectly placed? And it may even cushion my fall, which would be a good thing...
I should explain myself. I'm not a nutter. There are two types of people in this world. Those that take things seriously, and those who don't.
This is something that I'm not taking seriously. I mean, I'm aiming to do well and work hard, but I'm not going to cry myself to sleep at night if it all goes terribly wrong, manure pile or not.
I'm not expecting to walk away from the weekend with a fist full of ribbons. Or even one.
I do fully hope to come home with an awful lot of video and pictures.
Picture where I'm laughing my face off and bouncing so high in the bareback ride that I should be in a Thelwell drawing.
Oh, you know the one...
Keeping in mind of course, that FEI rules prevent riding in such a distinct plaid jacket...
I'm hoping for pictures of so many close friends all simultaneously trying to prop-up and hold my costume as I gather the reins and start the costume class...
And those same friends scattered around the show grounds picking up bits of incandescent yellow cardboard after my pony destroys said costume.
I want video where my face is sometimes scrunched in consternation, and at others, glowing with pride.
I want to be able to laugh at the commentary that goes along with the rides, where people are clapping and pointing at the crazy rider perched atop her "race car", and the poor horse looking sad in his new helmet.
I want to frame the picture of Moon and my first halt at X, that silly salute I give, and the moment of pure panic you can see rush across my face.
You see, start to finish, I want to make people smile. And I want to be smiling back. And I want to do my best and know that it was more then enough to carry us through.
That's just how it is.
Even if it includes stalking folks on Facebook and YouTube.
...not that I do that...