More myself.

With the impending move looming on the horizon, I'm starting to feel more and more like myself. Yesterday's news from the bank reassured me that I wasn't about to spiral downward into a never-ending cycle of debt and break-downs, so I headed out to the barn with a smile on my face and appreciated the rattle of my parents' loaner car. It could be worse. Granted, my boss *did* call me a ball of bitterness... ; )

Everything was quiet at the barn when I arrived, so I wandered out to Moon and proceeded to break a cardinal rule. I secret loath myself for doing it, but it's an unfortunate side-effect of having a close bond to your horse. I hopped on him in a halter and helmet-less, walk/trotted around the pasture.

I know, BAD.

Halo was along, so she trotted beside us, and we scoured the whole thing looking for one of the horse's missing muzzles. Sure enough, there it was, at the VERY back of the field in a clump of grass. Buggers.

We rode back in, and he really is riding nice lately.

I changed my mind and wanted to put him over fences again. I'm not happy with our lack of pacing and his rushing at the fences lately. But I also was NOT in the mood to have soggy jeans for the rest of the evening as a result of riding bareback. Ew.

Then I had a great idea! I would put a saddle pad on him and strap it in place with my surcingle!

Even better, the pad I chose had foam panels, so A. I stuck REALLY well and B. the sweat didn't bead through.

I set up a jump, stepped back to mount and realized it seemed a bit too high. Uh....

Moon and I started by working on our dressage and staying loose. It is REALLY weird and I really want to have eyes on the ground again. Moon is...different.

For one, he seems to carry his head lower and I want to say he more consistently works over his back. He can still brace and he still runs about like an evil rabbit, but I feel like he actually has a dressage 'form' now. Weird. And possibly in my head.

Around and around we went, even finding some nice leg yield. Then I pointed him towards the jump.

SURGE. He just sees it and seemed to rush forward. I got anxious, the entire thing got rough and we got to the other side in nothing resembling form or finesse.

Ger. I'm doing SOMETHING WRONG.

What?

I had a pretty good feeling that it was the fact that approaching the jump I'm going "OMG! THAT IS SOOOO HIGH! LOOK HOW HIGH IT IS?! I SHOULD HAVE MADE IT LOWER. SOOO MADE IT TOO HIGH. THIS WAS A BAD HEIGHT! LOOK AHEAD, LOOK AHEAD!!!"

And I snap my eyes forward at the last second, as we scramble over.

Freaking out, if only in my head is NOT conducive to nice jumping.

I rode some more dressage circles and figure 8's, and focused on my tempo. What was Moon's beat? And I started singing the beat to myself, with every post. Over and over as we went around. When I found that my posting matched the beat without change, I turned Moon back towards the jump. And focussed on keeping my beat in pace with Moon's foot falls.

Suddenly, coming up to the fence he was beautiful. We weren't rushing, but we also weren't lagging. We trotted right up, he collected and popped right over smoothly. And when we landed, I went right back to our pacing, singing away.

More dressage circles, softening him up and back towards the jump...

And over.

Wow.

We all know it, but it's amazing how much our horses pick up on our own nervousness, without us thinking we're being that obvious. Sure enough, when I calmed down, he calmed down. And it got wonderful.
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After more dressage and jumping, we called it a ride.

Cooling him off, I realized that I REALLY need to take some new pictures of him. One, for my blog followers, but Two, because I think he's changed a lot physically. And mainly, his TOPLINE.

I remember in my head, that his neck seemed to dip along the top to his wither. But riding him around yesterday, it seemed like now his neck carries straight into his wither. And overall, his mane seems to sit atop a row of muscle, where before it kinda just hung off his neck.

Again, I'm not sure if I'm just making it all up...

Hence, the need for photos!

I need proof that things have changed, and if there's proof, I'm wondering how I missed it happening. And if it hasn't happened, why does it feel so different and why do I feel like he even looks different?

Weird.
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I shall be out on Thursday, and then likely miss a couple days through the weekend as I move. The car remains parked, and I remain clueless as to my next step.

What goes down...

Must come back up?

Firstly, thanks to everyone who sent their "pick-me-ups". It really did mean a lot to me, even if most of us have never met. It's simply nice sometimes to know that you're not the only one to have REALLY, REALLY crappy months and that others have all bounced back. I have managed to carry on thanks to copious amounts of poutine yet again, and many, many wonderful friends.

I've had a couple of really rough days, and often forgot to look at the "brighter" side of things. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) there are occasions when we all need a chance to wallow in self-pity, loathing and sadness. While it might be nice if we could all take the bad day with a smile and never ending optimism, I like to think that it's okay to break down at times and just grieve a little for all the losses, the heart ache and the seemingly unknown future.

When I typed Sunday's message, I had originally planned on leaving it a draft, unshared with the world. I hate, with a passion, people seeing me weak. But in the same way, I created my blog to be honest about life, horses and all the things in between. Which means, am I being honest with myself if I hide all the bad things? What if I started not sharing the bad rides? The disappointments? Failings in the saddle? That would mean my blog is nothing more than a glorified piece of fiction, that is unrelatable. So why bother to write or read it?

Instead, I chose, as difficult as it was, to be honest about today's struggles. That is a part of me. A part of all of us, and if we are too scared of our weaknesses, our low days, we only serve to give them power over us. After I hit "post" on that blog entry, I rolled over, wiped my tears and started revising my plans.
_____________

In and amongst all of this, I've been riding. And it feels great. Minus the hickups.

For starters, Mr. Moon has been a total brat. He's now pushing around the other horses in the pasture, and will back into them threatening to kick. On Sunday we went on a great trail ride, and in the beginning he threatened to kick another horse, eyed the pony suspiciously for the first mile, and spooked at things that Moon would normally not even give a second look to.

On the trail, when running, he was a good boy. When standing...he was AWFUL. No standing still. And when trotting, he was taking to spooking at nothing.

We got in one really good canter down the ditch and he had no gas in him. He was happy to just jog along with the other horses and no desire to leave the group. NOT normal Mr. Moon and I admit, I was really, really disappointed in him.

Then on our way home, everyone was trotting and he wanted to canter. I refused to let him break his gait and he proceeded to have a very childish temper tantrum on me. Spinning, mini rears, throwing his head, yanking the reins, cantering sideways and jogging in place. This from my 13 year old, million mile trail quarter horse. We argued through it, and I made him walk (jog in place?) while everyone carried on. Just to remind him that this is MY rules, not his. We don't run everywhere.

After that ride he was still sound (yippee) though his leg is not yet back to "normal". It is always a little warmer to touch than the others, so I've been adding some poultice after strenuous rides.

Yesterday, C and I had a plan to hit the trails again and unfortunately a fellow boarder's horse was being a real jerk. I'm not sure what seems to have gotten into the horses, as my own is misbehaving too. Anyway, his antics I think rattled us all a little, and our trail ride while pleasant and safe, was just not the same. Add in the copious amounts of mosquitos swarming despite the bug spray and it was meant to be an early night.

I tossed hay to the ponies and fed, and stared up at the hay pile. When we filled the barn with hay, we packed it right to the roof and straight up from the front gate. Great except...how were we going to get to the top to toss bales down?!

Guess who got to play monkey and scale the side??! Me! : )

It was actually a blast and I really enjoyed myself. I dream of having a hayloft someday...
____________________

Tonight I'm out to the barn again, and will swim my puppy-dog with her bestie, hopefully get in a really quick, VERY aggressive ride on Moon and then enjoy dinner with some really great friends. : )

I will say, things are starting to feel a little less "scary", as I'm starting to figure out where to go on the whole car front. Or at least have acquired enough information to not be terrified. You've probably figured out by now, that I survive through obsessive planning. Of everything. I live by my sticky-note lists. And in my head and on paper, I lay out the future, how I'm getting there and what steps are required.

So following the break-up, it took me only 5 day to have reworked my budget, selected and applied for my new apartment, figured out what to do with Moon and Halo, and to have packed up 1/2 my stuff into boxes. Oh, and to speak to the bank about the springtime, finances and get started on the new plans for the future.

Needless to say, you can imagine what it would do to my plans to suddenly have no car. Every rider knows that your car becomes vital. How do you get out to the barn otherwise?! When you also own land that you're working, a car is doubly important to keep working that land. While I'm totally fine with riding my bike to work until winter, I can't stop seeing my horse, and since my dog was now living at my parents, seeing her! No car meant I was utterly lost.

Buying a new car would mean a car loan, and I hadn't included such a thing during my bank discussion. Suddenly I was looking at the possibility of having to make a choice: City Living and a vehicle, or country living and no barn trips for a year. I was terrified.

It's taken me a couple of days, but I think I'm back to knowing I'll survive. Not saying it's going to be roses and tropical vacations, but I'll likely not wind up walking to the barn in the dead of winter out of desperation to see my horse.

The major factor was actually a call from the bank this afternoon. When I bought land, I chose to pay the maximum I felt I could afford every month to help pay it down faster. Now when you add in the tractor payments, food, phone, gas and rent, I suddenly found myself drowning in monthly payments. But I wouldn't dare risk losing the property, even if it meant I ate mac and cheese for three years and was forced to walk to work. Didn't care.

I was also too stubborn to consider selling my horse trailer (worked sooo hard on that!) or anything else that I felt was important for my property build. I'm stubborn that way.

The bank called and asked me if I still wanted to pay the $600/month on the land that I currently pay. Well, isn't that the requirement of the mortgage??

Surprise, surprise, I actually had a lower monthly payment and was opting every month to over pay. Oh.

So suddenly, I learned that if I paid just the mortgage payment, I could save myself some $.

I could also, if I wanted, get away with a $500/month vehicle payment, without exceeding my debt ratio. Not saying that's what I'm going to do (it's not!), but it was a possibility. Suddenly I could return to planning mode. I could start figuring out my options, because once again, I had options that wouldn't leave me alone in an empty apartment while my dog pined for me and my horse got fat.

While things are far from perfect and there are a great many hurdles ahead, I at least can look at today and smile. I've made enough 'right' choices in my life to set myself up to survive even the worst storms that life can throw at me. I've made wonderful, caring friends who stick by me during the tough times, pets that matter enough to me to leave me worrying over the smallest problems, and the personal strength to keep on fighting.

Life may not be perfect, it may not be as I planned and it might kinda suck the big one right now. But that's today. It'll get a little brighter each time the sunrises again, and someday, it'll be brighter than it ever was.
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We Still Bounce.

I've had a couple people ask me why I would be so honest in my last blog post. "You literally told the world that you cried!", "You admitted it's hard! Don't do that! You want him to think you're doing fine!", "Aren't you worried people are going to think you're weak?"

Weak?

Where is the weakness in being able to admit that you're going through a tough time? Where is the weakness in being able to stand up and say "Hey, I'm hurt. And'm struggling. But I'm still here. I'm still carrying on, and I'm not too proud to admit that it's hard."

It all falls apart.

This isn't going to be very horse-related, but it's me related, so it ends up here anyway...

So yesterday I spent the morning with my folks at a farm auction, it was all nice and wonderful and afterwards my dad helped me change my transmission fluid. My car, perhaps 10 times or so, when backing down our inclined parking pad, has briefly ground its gear before shifting. We're talking SECONDS. I had it at the dealership 2 months ago (remember the last time it fell apart on me?), and they said the transmission fluid was starting to be discolored so I should change it.

We changed the fluid, no biggie, go to back the car out of the garage and...

GRINDING.

Shift through all the gears, try again...

GRINDING.

Run to town, get some transmission stabilizer to hopefully just get it to a dealership for a trade in, and...

GRINGING.

Yup. It would not reverse. Just GRINDING.

The end of the Honda Accord.

A 5 year old vehicle, 2 months after the warranty ended, 105,000 km's, got babied it's whole life, I bought brand new off the lot to "never have to deal with the crap of it breaking down".

It's been a lemon since the day I drove it home, it IS the biggest $35,000 mistake I ever made, and I offically hate that car. HATE it. It had been my dream car. Now it is a never ending burden on my life. HATE IT.

Needless to say, we put it in neutral, pushed it onto the edge of my parents' driveway, and I proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes bawling.

You might think that while this sucks (it does) it's not "that" bad.

You're probably right. In another situation.

As I pronouced at a whail to my dad (poor, sympathetic man), THIS was the month my whole freakin' life just broke.

You see, the BF and I broke up at the start of August.

After 9 years together, 5 years of sharing our home. I was waiting to type that out until all the paperwork was finished, but today, I'm tired of trying to hold everything "together".

This month, I was catapulted into the world of single-dom. I found myself packing the last 5 years of my life into boxes so I could move into an apartment, I had my heart crushed, then crushed again, struggled through having to ask my parents for help (they're going to look after my dog and lent me a car so I could actually go to work tomorrow), balked at my monthly expenses, and cried WAY too much. Add in my horse was injured during this time, my dog is now stress-licking her elbow raw, I had JUST prior made the GREAT decision to ask my boss for more challenging work, and finally, THIS. My car is undriveable, meaning another loan I can't afford.

Did I mention that every plan, every dream, everything I thought the future would be is now shattered, and I keep getting cut every time I try to pick up the pieces.

My life is broken, my car is broken, I'm broke.

I'm broken and broken down.

There's no where left to go but up now, right? Please promise me that much.

- A very sad little blogger.

(and, to finish, lyrics from a friend, whose meaning is starting to mean a lot to me...and showed up in my inbox, right when I needed them.)

Feeling brokenBarely holding onBut there's just something so strongSomewhere inside meAnd I am down but I'll get up againDon't count me out just yet
I've been brought down to my kneesAnd I've been pushed way past the point of breakingBut I can take itI'll be backBack on my feetThis is far from overYou haven't seen the last of meYou haven't seen the last of me
They can say thatI won't stay aroundBut I'm gonna stand my groundYou're not gonna stop meYou don't know meYou don't know who I amDon't count me out so fast
I've been brought down to my kneesAnd I've been pushed way past the point of breakingBut I can take itI'll be backBack on my feetThis is far from overYou haven't seen the last of me
There will be no fade outThis is not the endI'm down nowBut i'll be standing tall againTimes are hard butI was built toughI'm gonna show you all what I'm made of
I've been brought down to my kneesAnd I've been pushed way past the point of breakingBut I can take itI'll be backBack on my feetThis is far from overI am far from overYou haven't seen the last of me
No noI'm not going nowhereI'm staying right hereOh noYou won't see me beggingI'm not taking my bowCan't stop meIt's not the endYou haven't seen the last of meOh noYou haven't seen the last of meYou haven't seen the last of me

Happy.

Let me say, that Horses make you happy.

Or at least, they make me happy.

My Wednesday started out rather crap-tastically. Awoke with a bad headache.

Then, I enjoyed the fact that my dog has developed a stereotypie of obsessive elbow licking due to stress and while I tried to solve it using a bitter spray, when the last bottle ran out I bought a different brand as the store I was at didn't carry the old one.

Well, it turns out she LIKES the taste of this new bitter spray and enjoys licking it off. So I've now compounded the problem. Yippee.

So after being demoralized by the sight of her elbow, I dragged myself to work, where I discovered people still hadn't submitted work that was months overdue, and I now get email and phone responses of "You're fantastic" instead of anything useful. Yes, I work with professionals. Yes, it's exhausting.

Of course, the boss has moved up in the world and I, just before my life became chaotic and stressful, decided I wanted a little more responsibility. So he's been happily sharing his old managerial work with me. Which is great, except I currently can't mentally seem to focus on it, and so I go around feeling like a bit of a failure and experience daily deadline crunch. Go me.

So yesterday morning I was scheduled for 4 hours of training/work with my favourite co-worker to finish a project we started in March...yes, WAY past due. But since we had to let him go, we only get to sporadically work on the project. And I would be lost without him.

There were some other home things to deal with, some less then fun phone conversations and I was not in my best of spirits when I walked into the boardroom to meet this friend.

Let me say, everyone needs at LEAST one good friend at work. He looked at me, said one sympathetic and heartwarming thing with pretty sad puppy-dog eyes and I started to cry.

Classy.

Thankfully, good friends are okay with that, and he cheered me up.

We later went out for lunch together, enjoyed a HEAPING box of fancy poutine (this is deep fried french fries, smothered in thick gravy, stringy cheese curds, and in my case, bacon, pulled pork and italian sausage). Yes, it was bliss for a sad girl.

He had me smiling by the end of it, despite a wasp flying into my root beer. Boo-urns.

We chuckled over Mr. Gold Lammee who was wandering around entertaining people, and then he dragged me up the block to "Cakeology". This is an awesome little local cupcake shop.

And we bought 2 double chocolate cupcakes with a mound of icing, and 2 red velvet cupcakes with a mound of icing. In the late summer sunshine, walked back to his car while enjoying the chocolate ones.

Really, is life that bad??

At the office, I went back to work as we parted ways, each clutching our red velvet cupcake for that much needed afternoon break.

Much needed for sure.

The afternoon was chaotic, I was catching up on all sorts of projects, addressing concerns and questions and demands and it was just off the hook. Of course, everyone who passed my desk noticed the cupcake and inquired. Of course.

So I somehow didn't get out of the office until almost 4:30, which is SO late. So late that people wandering across the parking lot commented on why I was still there. Yeah, go me.

Then it was a speedy drive home, feed the dog, change and head over to a friends to help hay. Only they had an early start and of course, I was late, so they were nearly finished when I arrived. Boourns.

But, I did get to watch W give a lesson or two, and H arranged for the mom of one of W's new lesson girls to join us Saturday for a speedy ride. Yippee!

Then I tacked up Mr. Moon with a bridle in the paddock (arena was for lessons on Wednesdays) and rode him bareback in the field.

Wasn't his best performance, but we did a good job, I was proud of him, and for a good 20 minutes, it was all about him.

My puppy even sat in the middle of the field as we did circles and serpentines around her. I love these two.

Then H2 suggested I come join her and H for a dip in the pond (seriously, does YOUR barn have a HUGE lined swimming pond with a sand beach, diving dock and play structure? I didn't think so), and so over we went. H's little girl and the neighbours joined us, and after a good 20 minutes I managed to get up to my shoulders. It was cold!! And the sun was setting! And I'm a wimp. ; )

Of course, the little girls were catching frogs and giving them to me. The going joke was to kiss them so your prince would appear. I have to say, it didn't work... ; )

When it got cold, we called it a night. The dogs enjoyed running in the water and playing, the kids had a great time, the horses were in sight the whole time we were in the water, and we could even catch a glimpse of the lesson from where we stood.

Seriously, does life get better than this? I had thought, it was a crappy day. The headache, the dog-stresses, the work-stresses, the life-stresses. But here, at the end of the day, is good friends on a private beach a stone's throw from our favourite animals, together, enjoying what summer has to offer. Yes, I think life is alright. I think I'm going to be happy. I really do.

Better than before.

So I appear to be back in the saddle full-time, and boy, I can say that I've missed it.

Moon, after his rolling run on Sunday, still appears sound. I pulled him out of the paddock, skipped the saddle yesterday and set up a string of jumps. Let's see what this boy can do...

Well, he can be excited. That's a truth. He charged at the jumps, often swapping to a canter on our approach, throwing his head up whenever I asked him to slow down. And the first bunch of times through, deeked out after the first jump, and I was forced to bring him around and run through the series again.

Finally, I got the feeling that he was a little intimidated by how close together they were, at least the last two which seemed like a bounce. Something he's never done. So I took down the last jump, and we did the nice cross rails with some success.

I did feel like I was gripping him in the mouth as I went through, but in my defence, I felt like he was WAY over jumping. Like he was saying "Phht" to those little x-rails. Bugger.

I've also been out of the saddle for way too long, and my legs were burning from Sunday's ride. So I assume neither of us was in our best jumping form. At least we made it through cleanly and without any falls or rails down.

I decided that since he was SO locked up I could actually SEE the muscle in his poll, I might as well do some dressage. Mr. Moon is normally Mr. Bouncy as he runs about, so I spent a good deal of time working him at a walk and trying to get him to loosen. When we started, it was rough at a trot, he wouldn't do lateral work and I was more than a little frustrated. But I took a deep breath and reminded myself of our time off. This was to be expected. And I've been going solo for awhile now, completely instructor less. Unfortunately, I don't think given my present situation, that will be changing anytime soon.

We worked and worked and worked. And I tried to remember and recall all of W's instructions on loosening up that horse.

Then when he seemed improved, I asked for a trot.

WOW.

Maybe it's the month off. Maybe it's that he was previously back sore and the time out of saddle has helped. Maybe it was Sunday's rip-roaring ride. Maybe it was all the lysine he's been getting. The time in the big pasture. The improved diet. The new feeding ration. The Thinline pad. How I previously rode him....

Who knows.

But what I can say, is that he FELT amazing.

AMAZING.

When I asked for the trot again, he seemed to FLOAT. There were moments when he was beautifully leg-yielding across the arena in this huge floating trot that I felt like I was riding an Olympic horse. Yes, I have NOTHING to compare that to, but it was the BEST I think I've ever felt on Moon. He was forward, over his back (because suddenly I wasn't bouncing, instead sitting perfectly over him, moving perfectly with his body in the most perfect bareback sitting trot of my life...technically, the most wonderful sitting trot period!), and just giving her. His neck was rounding, his head was going down, there seemed to be contact and connection through the reins, and I was LOVING IT. He was ON FIRE.

I rode him around and around, thrilled by what I felt under me. It was incredible. I didn't want it to end.

But I also knew we'd both been out for awhile, and I didn't want to over do it. I want to be able to find this again...I need to be able to find this again!

After that I cooled him off, petted him a gazillion times and called it a night. What an amazing creature I tell you!

Delinquent.

So I've been a blogging delinquent. It's a fact.

But again, that's a tale for another day.

Instead, let us get back to our world of ponies...

You see, I haven't been riding much. Not nearly much at all.

Moon's hind leg that suffered the large gash has been healing nicely without any outside support and while it's still a little on the thick side, I took the advice given and started working him anyway. The hope being that this will help get things flowing again and break up some of the leftover "damage".

Most of my time at the barn lately has either been haying (getting some real pipes now) or trail riding with a new leasee. It's been a blast and I really do enjoying showing a friend the trails and just hacking out. Unfortunately, it's gotten dark on us more than once before we got home, and I'm seriously considering sewing up some reflective leg wraps for the ponies. Especially since there was gun shots in the background the last time...

Anyway, I hadn't really gotten Moon back into "working", as these trail rides are enjoyable walk trips (with lots of yapping) and the occasional bout of trot.

So Sunday morning H had invited me out for an invigorating "fast" ride. As a mother of 2 with a little one under a couple months old, speed is imperative. And she's a little nutty that way...

We met up with her neighbour (who's equally nutty), and hit the trails. It started out at a subdued pace, but before long we were in the park and shifting gears. The mount that joined us was an ex-race horse, and a successful one at that...

Wow.

We ran. We ran and ran and ran. Right through that park, down the trails, the mud spraying up behind us off our horses' hooves.

It was bliss.

I appreciate my demur trail rides with friends, yapping and watching the scenery slowly pass us by. But I will NEVER, EVER, be able to let go of having incredible rides like that.

We raced along, and it was just awesome. There were moments where I actually just started laughing aloud. No reason at all, just pure unadulterated bliss. Those times when you're suddenly so happy, so overjoyed that you can't help but giggle for the joy of giggling. That was those moments.

So I laughed as we went, Moon's hooves pounding on the ground, the wind whipping past us, and every thought in my mind, temporarily erased.

At one point, there was a little log across the trail. Okay, jumper folks out there would scoff and call it "nothing". A "twig" at best. But to me, it was substantial enough. Moon actually had to give a little "lift" over it, and he went at it at a canter! Yup, saw it, shifted gears and sprung over, racing onward from the other side.

I laughed even louder, my heart swelling.

I think he LOVES this x-country stuff. I seriously think he'll love it. Now if only we'd get a big wind-storm to knock some bigger trees over...

Our ride finally took us back out of the park, and we pointed our horses away from home and asked for a canter along the wide green space beside the highway. I gave Moon his rein to gallop, and he stretched out, almost happy for the opportunity. It clearly had been too long.

Well, his shift to gallop excited the ex-race horse in the bunch, who's owner let him go. They whipped by us, and Mr. Moon always enjoying a race, shifted a gear higher and charged along behind them. The  Black followed up just off to our left, and the three of us charged along the ditch, in pure heaven. Horse and human.

Finally we reached a driveway and had to ask for the horses to slow. When I pulled up Mr. Moon he gave me one low and obstinate "buck", that didn't really get any height but jarred the crap out of my back. Ow.

And then pulled up nicely in his little double-jointed egg-butt bit. Yes, he's a softy.

Then we walked home.

Wonder when we'll be out to do it again?!

Still silent.

My horse blog still sits silent.

I haven't really had time to focus much on riding or Mr. Moon. I love him, and it means the world to me to know that he's there in my life. But right now, I just don't have the mental aptitude to put towards much riding.

I'm booked for a little trail ride on Thursday with Chloe, and a fast trail ride with Hilary on Sunday. While neither is going to get Mr. Moon back to the happy condition he was before this whole turmoil (the break-up and the injury), it's something. He surely no longer enjoys being a pasture puff.

Yesterday I went out to feed and held a friend's little girl so she could pet the ponies. I love kids and horses. Seriously love them. So I've offered to let her come back and go for a little lead-line ride. : ) I think they'd both love it.

As for me, I just bide my time. I'm hoping it won't be too much longer before this is all over and I'm able to carry on in my life. Get back to riding before winter is upon us, and I start wussing out.

I'm struggling a lot with the fact that my dog will be spending the winter with my parents. I of course, worry about how they'll feel with the responsibility of caring for her every day. Dogs are a lot of work. That being said, I know they love her and I deeply, and are there for me right now. If I had known sooner that the BF would change his mind about caring for the dog, I would have chosen a dog-friendly place. Too late to go back, instead I must simply focus on the present and deal appropriately.

In that same way, I'm looking forward to the time I'll spend with her. I aim to pick her up often for doggie trips (she loves going swimming with her best friend out at the barn), and my dad has already assured me that A. I'd be out for Football Season, and B. We'd be snowmobiling together this winter. Yes, the dog snowmobile's too. : )

So while she won't be there every morning when I awake, and I know I will miss her dearly, we'll find a way to carry on our partnership. There will be many, many days spent working on the property, which she loves. And soon, come springtime, she and I will get to move "home", to our own farm, and carry on our adventures there.
__________

Early on in the break-up, I made one very profound statement. I turned to my ex-BF and said: "I need my creatures."

And I do.
__________

I hope it's not too much longer until we're set free...

Still here.

I've been MIA.

Now for Pony-News:

Maybe 2 weeks ago, I went for my first ride on Moon since his leg injury. He was still a little head-bobbing at a trot, so after a couple of laps of a friends outdoor ring, we called it a day.

Yesterday after haying was the first time in awhile I was able to visit him again. Yes, visit. His cut leg was improved but still thicker than normal and a little warm to touch.

I wanted to see how he moved out, since it's been awhile and we all know the healing process overall can take awhile. So I grabbed my clip-on roper reins, snapped them to his bridle in the paddock and vaulted onto his back.

He trotted off nicely, maybe a little stiff through the neck and oppositionary. Then I asked for canter.

Well, in the good news, his transition was timely.

In bad news...he seems to have taken a bit to putting his head down and bucking lightly after a few canter steps.

Not sure if this is because of all the time off, or a different problem. Seems only when he's bareback thus far...

Thankfully, even bareback, I stick to the bugger like glue.

Brat.

We did more canter transitions (with more attempts to get his head down), more trotting, and then I brought him in for a much needed grooming and his supper.

It was short, sweet and I really do miss him. I'm set for a trail ride with a friend on Friday (soooo excited!), and then will give the gymkhana a try on Saturday. Might keep it to a walk-trot, or just show up and watch. We'll play it by ear.
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In other news, I'm crazy busy, seem too short on time and am really excited that I should have TONS of pony time this Fall/Winter.  :  )  So I suppose all the busy-ness will be worth it in the end. : )  Just 48 hours until I ride again!